Almost Indispensable and Irreplaceable

Almost indispensable and irreplaceable were terms I felt applied to my work and life, however, Monday night, April 11 I discovered a different reality.

Listening to one sentence from the night doctor at the European Medical Clinic in Moscow, Russia, ‘You have a serious problem with your heart and need to check into the clinic immediately,’ brought new reality, I’m not indispensable or irreplaceable! The next 15 hours went as quick as a breath. Decisions made, family contacted, hundreds praying and the 'almost indispensable/irreplaceable' one on a hard, cold table prepared for heart surgery. Life changes fast.

Six days earlier, working in my small apartment, the first of three heart attacks in six days hit. Although looking back, the warning signs had been there: loss of strength, shortness of breath, incredible heartburn, pressure on the chest and pain in the crooks of my elbows, I was not paying attention. Due to my personal agenda of important things, I pushed past all the signs and pain to complete my tasks. During these six days of immense heart problems I preached, lead staff meeting (during one of the heart attacks), carried a large folding table 100 meters, set up chairs, and dozens of additional ‘important’ little things.

Amazingly, even though we may not always understand the signs and walk blindly ahead, our loving heavenly Father is with us. As my gurney rolled across the cement floor into the cold operating theater, peace came over me. Never once did I wonder or worry about what happens next. I was in total peace that everything out of my control was fully in God’s control. Going into the procedure, I thought of my oldest grand daughter on a trailer behind my bicycle singing cute little songs this past summer as I peddled. What a precious memory to hold on to during those trying moments.

Thanks to the grace of God and the prayers of so many friends and family, everything went well. My doctors were successful and now back in that little Moscow apartment I can thankfully look forward to more bike rides with my grand daughters.

Life has great purpose and value as do each of us. Here is the problem, the idea that somehow we are indispensable and irreplaceable. Once we place ourselves as the ‘one of importance’, we can quickly discover how mistaken we are. We have been given a season to serve our family and friends while living for Christ. Indispensable and irreplaceable should not be how we ever see ourselves. No doubt, this was an important lesson for me these past days to understand.

In the Bible, Jesus tells Peter, “On this rock I will build my church.” Jesus is the indispensable and irreplaceable one, not me. At best, I am a provider for my family and caretaker of a church for a season.

Now the journey ahead of me requires faith and prayer as I prepare for more tests and heart stints this next month. Today, however, I enjoy day number eight since I learned my lesson on life. My prayer is that God will bless me with a wonderful long life with Jill, but I will look at each day as a gift not an expectation. May I enjoy many more bike rides with my grand kids!

Today I am so thankful for the prayers of family and friends, help of a caring hospital staff, and most importantly, my wife Jill. Jill you have been so strong, caring and filled with wisdom I re-discovered how blessed I am as your husband. Many played a valuable part in my survival. Thanks everyone!

Time line of events from April 6-18:

Wednesday, 6th -3:00, First heart attack

Saturday, 9th -Second heart attack

Sunday, 10th -Preached and set up at International Christian Assembly

Monday, 11th -Third heart attack during staff meeting at 11:00 a.m.
-Judy Ballweber, AG missionary in Kiev telling us to get to
the hospital via Skype at 9:30 p.m. Thankfully we listened
-Checked in at European Medical Clinic at 11:00 p.m.

Tuesday, 12th -Surgeons placed two stints in my heart
-During consultation told more stints are required

Monday, 18th -Released from the hospital

May 10th -Fly to Heart-Lab, Helsinki, Finland for the final
process on this long journey

With great thanks to my Lord Jesus Christ the only indispensable and irreplaceable one!